Big Time Shuffle
by Tabrina
Summary: Multi-Drabbles. Set your Itunes on Shuffle, write a story to the song. Kogan, Jarlos, Fluff, and Angst so far! More to come!
1. Shuffle

_Set your Itunes to shuffle. Write a drabble either in regards to the song lyrics, or the emotion of the song._

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**Evans Blue - Over**

Kendall's mind was still reeling, the stains on his carpet still glaring up at him, blaming him, accusing him. He should have seen it, if anyone should have known the other was going to this, it should have been him. He was the closest to him, he was the one the other came to when something was wrong. So when the other one suddenly stopped coming to him when there was very obviously something wrong, he should have seen it. He wanted someone else to blame, he wanted there to be someone he could be mad at, someone he could take all this guilt out on. He knew though, that as he stared down at the red stain on the carpeting, that he had no one to blame but himself.

When Kendall saw Logan start to draw into himself, he should have said something, but he figured if Logan needed to talk he'd come to him. So when Logan said he was feeling sick, and he was going to stay home from harmonies and dance practice today, Kendall thought maybe that was Logan was feeling so distance. He should have sensed there was something more to it, as before the other three left Logan hugged each one of them. He should have seen the way Logan was begging for their help, without being able to say a word, but no, they ignore his cries, and just went to practice.

He should have gone straight to their shared room got home. Shouldn't have stopped in the kitchen to get a drink, before finally taking his sweet time to go to his room to check on Logan. He wanted to think that if he had just been a moment or so sooner, everything would be fine. Maybe that minute it took for him to get a drink could have meant the difference between life and death. It's not like the water did him any good anyway, because as soon as he went to his room to check on Logan, the half empty glass fell from his fingers to spill on the carpet. At least the water didn't leave a reminder of it's lost life on the carpet.

Logan had always been too thoughtful, even during his own suicide, he lay on his pool towel in hopes of keeping most of his blood from staining anything. It was a nice gesture, but apparently Logan underestimated how badly Kendall's demons wanted to mock him, and they made sure the blood stained. They made sure that no matter how hard he had scrubbed, washed, cleaned, there was always the permanent reminder of what he had let happen.

The others swore the stain was gone, that they couldn't see even a tint of red on the carpeting, but Kendall knew better. He knew exactly where the stain was, could pinpoint every stray drop of blood, could show you exactly what fibers of the carpet had soaked in Logan's life. The same fibers that were now soaking up his own tears, as he lay in the same position, same spot, and same state of self hate that Logan had been.

**Kenny Loggins- Your Heart Will Lead You Home**

Logan sat quietly on the couch in the small living room, the sun shining brightly through the window, the sounds of the city sounding no different than what they normally did. He wasn't sure if this fact was what was upsetting him so greatly, or the picture in his hand was causing him the discomfort.

"Hey Logan, we're going to head down to the pool, you want to join us?" Tilting his head back to see his three friends, clad in swim trunks, towels hung over their shoulders, and foam noodles, apparently ready to go for a swim. Regarding them all with almost sad expression, he shook his head, turning away from them, and back to the picture, held gently on the sides by his fingertips. He didn't even look up from it when he felt the couch shift as each one of his friends took a seat near him. "What's that?" Logan looked to his right, the bright green eyes of Kendall looking at him, instead of finding out for himself and just looking down at the picture.

"It's just a picture." Which was true, it wasn't a spectacularly special picture, it wasn't ever framed, and the corner was even bent from the lack of care that was taken with it.

"I remember that picture," James said, his voice quiet and sounding slightly far away, his mind already lost to the memories the picture brought back. They all remained quiet, just staring down at the picture Logan held in his hands, none of them willing to break the silence just yet, reliving the memories of the day the picture had come to symbolize.

"It was the biggest snow fort we ever built," Carlos mused, sounding amazed even to this day at the sheer size of it.

"Remember when we decided we were all going to live in it, so we could all live together forever?" They all laughed, remembering just how upset mama Knight had been when she got home from her witnessing job to find four small boys sleeping in a snow fort. They were frozen to the bones by the time she had gotten them inside, shivering, and having to all change into dry clothes so as not to get more sick then they were probably already going to be. Their laughter trickling out into silence once more, the only sound being heard was the busy streets, and sounds of people splashing in the pool downstairs.

"Y'know, I don't really feel like going to the pool anymore," Kendall began, standing up and looking to his three other friends. "I feel like some hot cocoa, what about you guys?" He was met with nothing but enthusiastic yesses all around, and as Kendall led the way, Logan trailed back, setting the picture on the coffee table in front of the bright orange couch. Sparing one last glance at the picture of four young boys, all huddled under a blanket together, each holding a mug of hot cocoa. Suddenly, Logan wasn't so homesick anymore.

**I'll Stand By You - (Some chick.. I'm not sure)**

When Logan heard the quiet choked sobs coming from behind the bathroom door, he didn't have to even think twice as to who the noises belonged to. Kendall was trying to hide away from everyone, which is why Logan found him in the bathroom, trying desperately to muffle his quiet cries. The door would be locked, Logan knew that, Kendall wasn't going to chance letting anyone see him like this, couldn't let his friends think that he had any weaknesses. So when he knocked on the door, he could hear a few coughs come from the other side of the door before a slightly muffled 'Just a second'.

"It's me Kendall, let me in." There was hesitation, he could hear the silence on the other side of the door, before he could hear the rustle of clothes, and the click of the lock. The door wasn't opened for him, but he didn't expect it to be. It was kind of Kendall's way of showing him that Logan wasn't exactly wanted, so Logan was going to have to push a little bit.

When Logan slid inside the door, closing it, and locking it behind him, he wasn't really surprised to see Kendall leaned up against the wall, sitting on the tile floor, knees drawn up to his chest, and arms wrapped around his legs as if shielding him from the rest of the world. Though it wasn't the world Logan imagined he was trying to hide from, but his own thoughts.

There were no words spoken as he knelt in front of Kendall, and forcibly pulled him to him, wrapping his arms around the boy, and resting his head on the top of the dark blonde hair. Kendall didn't put up much of a fight, as he wrapped his arms around Logan's waist, and just cried. Logan's shirt was almost instantly wet with the tears that flowed nonstop from the usually happy bright green eyes. Logan just held Kendall tighter, because he knew no matter how much the taller boy hated anyone to see him cry, he made exceptions for Logan, on the anniversary of his fathers death.

**Take Me There- Blackstreet *Off the fricken Now 2 Cd lol***

Looking back on his decision, James wondered if he should have rethought taking Carlos to the indoor sports store. They had climbing walls, a skydive capsule, and basically things Carlos would probably break a few bones if he were to do them in a natural way. James knew Carlos was a daredevil, he wanted to do anything that would get his adrenaline pumping, and James had heard him talking a lot about going rock climbing lately. So when he decided to take Carlos out just the two of them for part of his birthday present, he could think of no better place.

Carlos acted like a small kid in a candy store, looking this way and that at everything he could do, looking like he was about to run one way, only turn and hesitate about possibly going the other way instead. So James just smiled, and let Carlos grab his hand, dragging him practically all over the building, looking at everything, apparently sizing things up to decided what he was going to do first, all the way to last.

James wasn't surprised when the climbing wall had come first, as it really was the whole point of bringing Carlos here in the first place. Though now that they were here, he was glad he decided he had gone with the building that had a large selection, instead of just going somewhere where all they had is a climbing wall.

James always thought of himself as very fit and active, but as he followed along right behind Carlos, doing everything together with him, he felt like he was an eighty year old man, because as Carlos seemed as energized as he was when they first got here, James was starting to feel out breath. His muscles were actually starting to get sore with all the times they had climbed the wall. They had climbed it twice on the hard wall, and then Carlos decided that he wanted to see who could do it in the shortest time. Then he wanted to see who could do it in the shortest time blindfolded. James had lost count the sixth time they had climbed the wall. By the time they had made it to the skydive tube, he was trying not to just lay out and fall asleep.

But as the day was concluding, and Carlos hadn't had anything less than a ear to ear smile the entire day, James knew he'd do it all again, and a hundred times over, if it meant keeping that smile on Carlos' face.

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_This was fun, and quite refreshing! Which is why I'm only stopping right now because it's 2:30am and I'm too tired to continue. Expect more of these though, probably even tomorrow lol _


	2. Really shuffle really?

**Sick Puppies - All The Same**

Sometimes when Kendall came back to the apartment late, wrapping his arms around Logan and pressing their lips together, he tasted of lipgloss. That same fruity taste he imagined that had begun on Jo's lips just moments before migrating to Kendall's. Kendall probably figured Logan didn't notice, but he always did, and yet never once did he say anything. They would fight, they would argue, it was normal for any couple, but each time, Kendall would leave, he would come back looking torn between tears and being violently ill as he would crush Logan to him, and it was all Logan could do not to punch him, with the way he always reeked of Jo's perfume.

Logan wished that it could be their secret, that no one else knew of what would transpire, but he could tell in both James and even Carlos' eyes when they looked at him. Every time Kendall would slam the door closed on his way out, they would look at Logan with pity. When Kendall would come back, seemingly trying to replace Jo's scent with Logan's own with how tightly he held him, breathing in the smaller boys scent, they would look at them both sadly.

Logan wondered how much longer it would last, Kendall running to Jo after every fight, probably confusing the girl just about as much as Kendall confused him. And yet as he lay with Kendall for the night, wrapped in the taller boys arms, he felt bad for Jo.

Because no matter what, Kendall would always come back to him, and he knew one day, Kendall would come back, and finally stay.

**Chevelle - An Evening With el Diablo**

Logan was stupid. He was a complete idiot. Or at least that's how he felt now, as his body felt on fire, and he fumbled around looking for his friends, wherever they were inside this building full of close-knit bodies. Logan had known, hadn't needed anyone to tell him that you never leave your drink unattended, and if you did, you didn't drink from it when you got back. You never took a drink from a stranger, always made sure you got it straight from the guy at the counter. So why was it that when he went to the bathroom, he took a sip of his drink when he got back to his table, where his drink had lay unattended. He was stupid, that was the only reason he could think of, as his vision blurred, and bodies were getting harder and harder to tell apart.

When he felt a tug on his arm, and someone pull him into one of the empty booths, he smiled, glad that his friends had found him, instead of him having to search all over for them. He wasn't sure what was put into his drink, but he figured if he were to throw up now, or soon, it wouldn't have full effect on his body. So as he turned to ask his friends to help him to the bathroom, he couldn't help but notice that even with blurry eyes, this man was not his friends. He had dark hair, was about Kendall's height, and as Logan squinted he thought he saw a small shimmer of a piercing somewhere on his face. Where exactly he wasn't sure, nor did he care, his main thought now, was that he need to leave. Yet as he went to leave, the hand that was holding his arm only tightened, keeping him in place.

He didn't need to see, to feel the tongue that slid up along his neck, and even though he knew why it was happening, he couldn't help but feel disgusted with himself when the tongue seemed to burn his skin wherever it touched. He wanted to feel nothing as the boy began to run his hands all over his body, and though he didn't know what was slipped into his drink earlier, he had a pretty good idea of what it was now. All he could do was sit there panting, trying to keep a hold on any form of rational thought as he tried scanning the people for anyone he knew at this point. That's when he saw his opening, a tall muscular body, slightly longer brown hair.

"James!" When he saw the hair whip around, he knew he was saved, even as the boy next to him continued to assault his senses. The boys hand finding purchase between his legs, rubbing at the bulge that was there, biting at his neck. He wanted to protest, wanted to push him away, but all he could do was watch as the previous body he had yelled to was hurrying in his direction, his hips giving a small jolt at the strangers ministrations.

Then suddenly the body next to his was gone, and he could hear James yelling angrily, even over the loud thumping music of the club. He wasn't sure what was being said, he couldn't quite get himself to focus, but he wasn't imagining James was praising the other boy. When James finally slid into the booth next to him, putting his large hands on Logan's cheeks, brown eyes meeting worried honey eyes, Logan couldn't help himself as his lips crashed onto James. Logan whimpered against the full lips of his friend, knowing that this was completely wrong on every level, but he was so hot, he felt as if he was going to melt. James seemed to understand, and Logan couldn't have thanked him enough as he deepened the kiss drastically, biting at Logan's lips, one of his hands instantly going down to Logan's jean covered erection and pressing his palm against it, kneading it. It didn't take Logan long before he was crying out against James lips, his own cum staining the inside of his pants, but at the moment, he only cared that the heat was starting to pass, his body was starting to function normally.

When his brain began to function normally again, he could feel James kissing his cheeks, while his thumbs were wiping tears that were apparently running from his eyes. After that night, Logan started to brink a water bottle with him to the club, that never left his site. And James made sure that Logan never left his.

**Chained To You - Savage Garden**

Logan could convince Kendall of anything, perhaps even killing another person, though he'd never ask it. Kendall had a weakness, and it was Logan, the boy was like the most addictive drug, and Kendall couldn't quit, not even if he had wanted to.

When Logan would smile, it was contagious, no matter what mood Kendall had been in before, seeing that smile lit up his world. Without meaning to, or even wanting to at times, his lips would curl into a smile just the same. God forbid if Logan smiled AT him, then it was like the world stood still, and there was no one but the dark haired boy, and Kendall could swear you could hear birds singing.

If he would catch Logan's eye, which he did a lot, seeing as he was hard pressed to find a time when Logan wasn't look at him, he swore he could stop breathing and still live. It was Logan was some sort of ethereal being, that could steal your breath, your heart, your very soul just from a look. Not that Kendall minded, the shorter boy already had all of that from him, he had had it since the first time he realized that it feeling this way about your best friend just wasn't normal. He had passed that best friend mark a while ago, and had become so hopelessly in love with Logan that he was sure that if Logan had rejected him that day he told him his true feelings, he would have died, right then and there. Thankfully for Kendall, Logan had felt the exact same way.

People say when you kiss the person you love, you feel sparks. Well, that wasn't true for Kendall. When he kissed Logan he felt like he was licking a fallen electrical wire, and he wondered if he ever suffered from heart failure, if they would just use Logan's kiss instead of a defibrillator. Even the smallest kisses from Logan seemed to bring him to his knees, and the feeling never lessened. From the chaste kisses they shared when someone may have been watching, to the heated, bruising kisses they shared in the privacy of their own room, Kendall could swear his body went numb from head to toe. He wondered how many more times he could kiss Logan before his body finally had a sensory overload and just shut down. At least he'd die the happiest guy to ever live.

If you ever couldn't find Logan in a crowd due to his height, look for Kendall instead. Because wherever Kendall was, you'd find Logan.

**Seasons Of Love - Rent soundtrack (SPOILER FOR RENT!)**

"None of you guys are ever allowed to die before me," Logan said, eyes still damp as they left the theatre. The local theatre had decided to put on Rent, and Carlos had begged them to go with him. He had seen it before, and though it wasn't his favorite, it was a good one. So when they all had agreed to go, he couldn't have been more excited, making sure they got there a bit early to get good seats.

Logan had been the most broken up at the scene of Angel's death Though even Kendall and James had tears in their eyes at the scene, Logan was clinging to Kendall in the theatre, trying to hide his quiet sobs in the taller boys shoulder. Carlos knew it was coming, and he still couldn't help but getting choked up, his hand searching out James' during the heart wrenching scene.

"Don't worry, we aren't going anywhere Logie," Kendall said, wrapping his arm securely around Logan's waist as they had back to the parking lot. Carlos hopping into the drivers seat as he waited for everyone to get situated and buckled, before turning the key to let the jeep rumble to life.

"You have the soundtrack, don't you Carlos?" Carlos smirked, turning to look at Kendall who sat with his arm around Logan in the back seat.

"I thought you said it 'wasn't driving music'."

"Maybe just this once…"

**Got Money - Lil Wayne (oh god.. ._.;;)**

When James and Kendall had been sent out to get pizza and sodas they thought nothing of. As far as they knew, they were going to have a normal movie night. It was odd that both Carlos and Logan insisted that they both actually go pick up the pizza instead of having it delivered, but they said it was only because they had special planned for their boyfriends on movie night tonight.

So when Kendall and James came back from the pizza shop to find lights off in the apartment, blinds drawn so it was so dark it was taking them time to adjust, but they could tell there was something odd about the shine that was coming from somewhere in the apartment. They had barely been able to let their eyes adjust before the shorter boys came and sat them down in chairs, pizza at some point being taken from Kendall, to go off to who knew where, where usually there weren't chairs. Their eyes starting to adjust, both James' and Kendall's mouth went dry.

When finally a soft pink light came on, James and Kendall were very aware that Carlos and Logan weren't planning on watching any movies. The only thing that was going to be watched were Logan and Carlos. Kendall wasn't sure when the other two boys had bought stripper poles to install in their apartment, but he definitely wasn't complaining. He also wasn't sure when they had bought matching short shorts that left nothing to the imagination with how tight they were, but he still wasn't complaining, and apparently neither was James.

When the music had started, and the boys began, the first thing Kendall noticed was that apparently Logan had been practicing with Carlos quite a bit, because he was making very Latino-esque hip movements. The second thing he noticed was that Logan was smoother with his dance moves on a pole than he was on the floor.

James knew that his Latino lover could dance, but he never knew he could work that pole just about as well he could work James' own pole. So when James saw Carlos sliding down that pole, cute ass towards him, he couldn't help but shiver, remembering all the times Carlos had slid down him in a similar fashion. He barely noticed the boys were doing the same movements, apparently in tune with each other, but James' eyes were too focused on the dark haired before him to notice anyone else in the room.

When Logan sauntered over to Kendall, and stood straddling Kendall's lap, the taller boy almost pouted when Logan slapped his hand away from coming up to grab at his backside. He merely shook his head with a smile, and took a seat on Kendall's lap, causing a small growl to pass his lips. Kendall barely noticed when he heard a similar sound come from the boy sitting in the chair beside him. When Logan began grinding his ass over Kendall's erection it was all Kendall could do to not to grab the boy, rip off those short shorts and fuck him right where he sat. He guess James had a little less self control as he heard him make a small yelp, and the sound of flesh hitting flesh. Kendall was gripping the bottom of the chair so hard his hands were actually cramping. He knew that if wasn't holding onto something, he was going to grab Logan, and he didn't want to run the risk of him stopping.

James sat in awe as Carlos went back to the pole, using his strong muscles to climb up the pole, wrapping his legs around it, just as he had done James' waist many a time before. Before letting go with his arms, and leaning back, his muscles tight and back arched a bit he slid down the pole, until he was laying on the floor, looking up at a heavy breathed James, before he rolled over, pulling himself up to kneel in front of the pole, shaking his backside.

When both boys slid their hands down the pole until they were on all fours, thrusting their hips to the floor, James and Kendall finally had enough, and were off their seats, grabbing their respective partners, and carrying them to the bedrooms they shared.

The next time the idea of movie night came around, no one even suggested what movie to watch, Carlos and Logan just went to the pizza shop to get the pizza.

**I Swear - All-4 One**

The second Palm Woods school dance was turning out to be quite a success. So as Logan stood admiring their handiwork, he was happy with how well it was turning out, but wasn't exactly happy with the setting. Unfortunately Gustavo was having to have things in his studio fixed due to… unknown circumstances, and that was in no way Logan's way of avoiding the fact that it was totally the four boys fault that he was having to have the place fixed. So this year, the dance was being held outside by the pool, with Bitters being the very unhappy chaperone. It was thanks to Kelly paying the man off that they even got to have the dance at all.

It was under that scrutinizing glare that he was standing on the sidelines as the first slow song of the night began, watching as people began pairing off. Everyone knew that he and Kendall were together, but when Bitters had said that you had a to bring a date of the opposite sex, or go alone, Logan didn't really feel like ruining the party just because he wanted to dance with Kendall. He knew that at the first site of anything, Bitters would shut down the whole dance, and he wasn't sure he wanted to deal with being the one to bring the dance to an early end.

"What're you doing over here, and not dancing with me?" As arms wrapped around him from behind, and a solid body pressed up against his back, he wanted so much to just lean into the touch, and let the taller boy lead him to dance. But his mind just wouldn't allow his heart to win out, and he pulled away quickly, looking around for the angry eyes of Bitters.

"Because we can't. Bitters-" he began, still searching the crowd, when Kendall's arms wrapped around his waist again, his soft voice cutting him off.

"Is locked in the supply closet." Logan looked up at him in disbelief, but couldn't help but smile, as he wrapped his arms around Kendall's neck, enjoying the soft sway of hips Kendall began in time with the songs rhythm.

"But what about Jo, and Camille, they are kind of our dates." Thankfully when they found that they needed to have opposite sex dates, Camille and Jo were more than happy to oblige. The girls had danced with them at the start of the dance, but at some point, had gotten lost in the crowd, and when the slow song had started, Logan hadn't even seen them standing around on the outside side lines.

"I think they are fine without us," Kendall said as he nodded his head towards Logan's left, and as Logan rest his cheek against Kendall's chest when he looked, he saw how Camille held Jo in much the same way Kendall was holding him. Suddenly it made a little more sense why the girls were more than happy to be their fake dates. They needed a cover too.

**I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight - Cutting Crew**

Logan held on tightly to James hands, as the other boy rest his tired head on the floating piece of debris that lay in the water. James was sacrificing his own health, his body shutting down in the frozen waters, just so that Logan wouldn't freeze.

"Hold on James, they'll find us, you'll be ok." James smiled, his lips a sickly color of blue, hypothermia setting in as his body was almost completely submerged in the waters. Logan rubbed at James' hands, knowing that it was not enough to raise the boys body temperature, but hoping that it would at least offer some comfort, as he could feel James' hands starting to lose their grip on the floating debris.

"P-p-promise," James said, his teeth chattering and breath shaking. "You'll n-n-never let go." Logan shook his head, holding onto James' hand tightly, as he watched James rest his head down with a smile.

When Logan heard the distant yells of an approaching boat looking for survivors he shook James hand, watching as the boy remained motionless.

"James… there's a boat coming," he whispered, tears already springing to his eyes, not wanting to believe the truth that lay before him. "James… a boat… a boat James…" his voice failed him, as he watched the unmoving boy in front of him. "I'll never let go, I promise," he said as he kissed James hand, watching as the boy slipped below the water.

Suddenly his floating mattress was flipped, and he was submerged in water, coming up spluttering as he looked over angrily at Carlos. James was trying not to laugh at Logan's obvious anger, but wasn't finding it extremely difficult.

"What? Now you can both die together and be happy!" Carlos exclaimed as he swam quickly, Logan swimming right after him, getting ready to dunk the boy when he caught up.

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_Seriously, some of these are getting kinda hard. And I'm trying not to favor one shipping too much *cough*Kogan*cough* Well here's part 2 lol. There won't be any rhyme or reason to when I update this.. It'll probably just be when I wanna write but am procrastinating on bigger projects. So hope you enjoy, and I'll see you all next time (whenever that may be) _


	3. Hell of a drug

**Paramore - Decode**

When Logan stepped into the apartment he shared with his long time boyfriend, he couldn't help but internally sigh. Said boyfriend was currently slumped over the table white powder covering his nose, caked with a slight amount of blood. Once Big Time Rush had ended, everyone else had gone off to pursue their dreams, while James remained in the lime light, enjoying the fame, and the fans. He had never had a problem with anything of the sort when they had all been together, but once Kendall had become busy with Hockey, Carlos with his police duties, and Logan with the almost ridiculous hours at the hospital, James began to slip. He started going to more parties, mingling a bit more, and mingling with the wrong crowd.

It had started out with him coming home just a little tipsy some nights. Logan thought it was harmless at first, being as it was seldom and being tipsy wasn't bad at all. Unfortunately it had snowballed, and James had thrown himself into a downward spiral. He began drinking just a bit more, then would start having to call Logan at all hours of the night to pick him up because he was too drunk to drive, or properly function at all. Then the drinking had stopped mostly, and suddenly James was coming home high. His eyes always red, his speech slowed, and he always reeked coming into their little apartment.

Logan had tried to talk to him, asked him if something was wrong, or if he ever wanted to talk. James always refused, saying he was fine, didn't want to talk, and the few times Logan tried to press the matter James had stormed out of the apartment, only to come back later not remembering that they had even spoken. Then there was the night that Logan's heart had practically shattered into miniscule pieces.

He had just gotten off of work, after having to stay at the hospital on call an extra night, the usual doctor having been out sick. He was more than ready to come home and just relax, hoping maybe it would be one of the rare nights James would be home and not high, or drunk. Had it not been for those nights he didn't imagine he would have been able to stay around. So when he finally reached the apartment door, he could hear noise from inside, and a smile graced his feature. He could already picture James sitting on the couch, kicked back and watching something on tv. He wasn't ready for the sight that was presented to him as he opened his door.

James wasn't alone, the tv wasn't on, but Logan was right in the fact that he was on the couch. James was currently huddled over their coffee table in front of the couch, a mirror with white powder currently laying on it, while James sniffed it in a hurry. Logan wasn't stupid, he knew exactly what was going on, and he was none too pleased. Actually, Logan was straight pissed.

"James! What the fuck are you doing?" James looked up at him nervously, as did the other occupants of the room. A few guys, and some disgustingly skinny girls. Logan could practically count all of their ribs, and he wondered how their bones didn't snap during a windy day. "Get out of my house," Logan practically seethed, as he moved aside, pointing towards the door, watching the occupants scrambling to leave. Many of them grabbing small baggies filled with powder from his coffee table, and running past him. James remained still on the couch.

"Logan, I-I-" James was at a loss for words. His eyes darting quickly around the room, and Logan wasn't sure if it was a side effect, or if James was trying to find something around the room to help him pull himself out of the grave he had dug. Logan wanted to scream, to yell, to practically beat some sense into James, but his caring attitude was ruling when he noticed James slightly shaking. Logan had seen enough patients, and first time users fall into a seizure, cardiac arrest, any of which could kill James. So he slammed the door shut behind him, not even caring when James flinched away from him when he roughly grabbed the boys chin, looking into the dilated pupils of the brown eyes that nearly matched his own.

"James I want you to watch my finger, follow the movements," Logan said as he lifted his index finger before James eyes, watching as they managed to follow them, feeling a slight more at ease with the situation. His fingers rest on James wrist, feeling his pulse racing, but nothing that could be considered overly dangerous. He had the day off tomorrow, he'd just make sure to watch James for the night. That night spurred a few nights where Logan would come back to their apartment, and James would either be snorting, or having already finished. It had spawned many fights from the two, James every time walking out the door, telling Logan something along the lines of 'fuck off' or 'get out of my life'. Yet by the next day he'd be back, apologizing, swearing he'd never do it again. Logan wanted so much to believe it to be true, yet he knew that James could say it as many times as he wanted, without help, he wasn't going to kick the habit. Logan had wanted to help, and James had agreed to let him help in the start. When Logan caught him sneaking out the first night, shaking and sweating, Logan had come to him gentle as a rabbit to help him through the withdrawl, but James had cursed at him, pushed the smaller boy to the floor and run.

So when Logan came home tonight to find James passed out at the table, white powder residue left on his nose, along with blood, the first thing Logan did was lift the boys head, pulling his eyelids back, and checking his vitals. It was a relief when James began to awaken, smiling lazily at the boy. When James leaned in for a kiss, Logan moved back, shaking his head.

"James, this has to stop." Logan was starting to feel like a broken record. He had said this to the boy multiple times, and just once he would like it to sink in. "You're going to kill yourself, I don't want to lose you." Logan spoke sadly, as he grabbed a napkin from the table to wipe at the evidence on James face. "Let me help you, let me get help for you. If you don't want me to help, let me get someone who you will let help you." James merely looked to the side, looking guilty, and Logan would have felt like he was getting through to him, if this wasn't how it went every time. When James said nothing, he pressed a kiss to the boys forehead, and ran a hand through the brunette locks. "Go to bed James…" James refused to look at Logan as he nodded, wiping at his nose, a habit he'd acquired since his habit, as he headed to their bedroom.

Logan took to cleaning the evidence as he always did, knowing that what he was doing was illegal, and that if he got found out he'd lose his medical license, and probably go to jail with James. Yet none of it ever seemed to matter, and he'd give it all up if he could just get James to quit. He needed to pull out the big guns, so he pulled out his cell phone, not even minding that it was late. He knew that the people he called would always answer.

The next day James awoke to the sound of people talking in the kitchen. His body shook a bit, and he made a note to go find Jeremy for another bag, because he knew that Logan would have tossed the bag he left on the table last night. Cursing a bit, he stood up, wondering who was talking in the other room, and waking him up. So as he left the room, he was shocked to say the least to find Logan, Kendall, and Carlos sitting at the kitchen table. He couldn't stop himself as he glared pointedly at Logan. He knew exactly why they were here, and what they were doing, but he really didn't have time for this shit now. He needed a fix, and if Logan thought his little intervention was going to stop him he was wrong.

"Sorry, I'd love to chat, but I have places to be." James tried to stroll past them, but Logan stood in his path, looking up at the taller boy, and shaking his head.

"James you need help. You're going to kill yourself, and I- we don't want that." James tightened his jaw, trying to hold onto the little patience he had, his hands shaking as he folded his arms across his chest.

"I don't need help. I need to get out of here, so move." Yet as menacing as James sounded, Logan stood in place, merely shaking his head. "Logan, seriously, get the fuck out of my way."

"No! James, I'm not letting you leave until you decide your going to quite and get help. I'm not letting you do this to yourself anymore." Logan watched as the muscles in James arm flexed a bit, but didn't move. He knew when he had called Kendall and James that he wasn't going to let James leave no matter what. If that meant he took a beating, then that's what it meant.

"Logie's right James. We all want to help you. You can't do this anymore." James turned his head a bit to look over at Kendall, practically rolling his eyes as Carlos and Kendall came to stand behind Logan, attempting to create a barrier between him and the door.

"We just want our friend back James. Like back in the old days of Big Time Rush. We all miss the old James." James wanted to feel for them, he really did, but the only thing on his mind right now was getting away, and finding Jeremy. So he went to step through them, but found Logan step directly in his way, time and time again.

"Logan get out of the way." Logan shook his head, looking damn near tears.

"No James. I'm not letting you leave. I'm not letting you do this anymore!" "Get the fuck out of my way Logan!""No!" James couldn't handle it, and before he knew it, Kendall was holding his arms behind his back, and Carlos was kneeling on the floor holding onto Logan, who's face was nearly covered in blood. James froze.

"Look at what your fucking drugs did to you James," Kendall yelled from behind him as James stood staring down at the boy he loved. Logan lay on the floor, seemingly barely conscious as his lip was bleeding, as well as his nose, and he was already forming a red mark where surely a bruise would be to the side of his temple.

"Logan, hey look at me man, you ok?" Carlos still knelt on the floor, cradling Logan's head, the way James should have been if he weren't the one who had caused the damage. James stared down at the scene, watching for Logan to say anything, to speak, or even better, for this to be some sort of nightmare. James felt his heart drop to his shoes when he watched Logan lean to the side and spit out quite an impressive amount of blood before speaking.

"I'll be fine, just a busted lip, bit my cheek, possibly broken nose," Logan reached up slowly to touch the bridge of his nose and nearly cried out in pain as he did so. "Scratch that, definitely a broken nose. And I'm sure I'll have a headache later, but I'm ok." Carlos nodded, helping Logan stand, as the both turned to see something slightly unexpected. James was staring at Logan, shaking violently, as tears rolled unashamedly down his face.

"See James? Drugs can hurt your loved ones in more ways than one." Carlos had seen this a few too many times, having been at the scene of many accidents where drugs of some sort were involved. James went to reach for Logan, meeting only a slight resistance as Kendall seemed hesitant to let go of his arms. He fell to his knees as he wrapped his arms around Logan's waist, and for the first time since all of this had started, James cried. And he cried hard.

"I don't want to hurt you Logan! Please, fix me! Take me to rehab, don't ever let me do this again," James was sobbing so hard it was almost hard to hear him. And Logan could only wrap his arms around James, running his fingers through his hair.

Things were finally going to be ok.

**Father Of Mine - Everclear**

"Dad dad look!" Kendall smiled as he managed to skate a few feet, though slightly wobbly, but didn't fall, not once. His father gave him a thumbs up, as he stood beside the Minnesota pond. Kendall smiled, feeling a little cocky as he tried to execute a spin, but only made it about 180 degrees before falling over. It had hurt when his butt hit the ice, but with his father watching he wouldn't cry, it just wasn't going to happen. Because he had never seen his father cry, and if his father wasn't going to cry, then neither was he. He was going to grow up to be just like his father.

"All right, come on in Kendall, time to go home," his father called, beckoning the small boy over. Kendall skated unsurely over to his father, walking awkwardly on the normal ground below his skates as his father picked him up, holding him in the crook of his arm.

"Did you see me skating dad? One day I'm gonna play for the Minnesota Wilds. I'll be the best rusher ever." Kendall's father smiled and merely nodded his head. The ride home was silent, except for Kendall's small attempts at conversation, but his father seemed in a whole other world. When they had arrived home, Kendall had told his mother all about how he was getting better and better at skating, and all about how much he wanted to play ice hockey. He was so busy telling his mother about everything, he barely noticed his fathers silence through all of dinner. That night as his mother tucked him in, she smiled at him kissing his forehead and telling him goodnight. She looked to Kendall's father, before leaving the room silently.

"Can we go skating again tomorrow dad," Kendall asked, looking up to his father as the older man ran his fingers through his sons blonde hair.

"Ya, we'll go skating tomorrow Kendall." Kendall smiled at him brightly before snuggling into his blankets, and resting his head against the pillow, ready to sleep as fast as he could. He couldn't wait for tomorrow to come so he could go skating again. As his father went to leave the room, he looked back with a sigh. "Bye Kendall." Kendall only had a minute or two to wonder why his usual goodnight was changed to goodbye, before sleep claimed him.

The next morning he all but ran down the stairs ready to find his father to go skating. Yet when he made it to the bottom step, he couldn't see his father, only his mother sitting in the kitchen, and crying.

"Momma," Kendall spoke quietly as he reached for her hand, placing his smaller hand in hers. She looked up quickly wiping her eyes as she smiled down at her son. "Why are you crying?"

"Oh.. Kendall sweetheart." Ms. Knight wasn't sure what to say to the boy. So she pulled the boy up into her lap and just pulled him to her, resting his head against her chest.

"Where's daddy momma?" Kendall wasn't sure what he said wrong when his mother seemed to cry a bit, he could feel her tears landing in his hair, and one even landed on his cheek when he looked up at her.

"Sweetheart, your… your daddy left." Kendall frowned slightly but then tilted his head to the side.

"When's he coming back?" He watched his mother bite her lip before shaking her head. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, but no words were spoken for a minute or two.

"Kendall, honey. Daddy… Daddy isn't coming back this time." Kendall pushed his mother away a bit, looking back at her, as tears began to well up in his eyes. He shook his head, hopping down from her lap as he ran towards the stairs, ignoring his mothers yell of his name. When he made it to his mother and fathers room, he began opening every drawer in their dresser, and the closet doors. His fathers stuff was completely gone, none of it was left. He ran past his mother again on his way down the stairs and out the front door, not minding as the cold snow froze and hurt his bare feet. All he knew was that his fathers car was gone. As his mother came outside picking him up and bringing back inside he nearly felt numb. His father had just left, and Kendall finally realized why his father had said goodbye instead of goodnight.

At that moment, Kendall swore he never wanted to be like his father.

***Secret* Will reveal after story - Yoko Shimomura**

Carlos had searched everywhere, up, down, left, right, in, and out. He had peeked in every building, he had turned every corner, and yet, still had yet to find him. Logan, Kendall and James had followed him every which way he had went, and never once complained. So finally he decided to let them all rest, taking a heavy seat at one of the little picnic areas. James had said something about going to find a soda machine, and that was almost five minutes ago. Carlos couldn't believe that in this large place there wasn't a soda machine everywhere. Kendall and Logan looked at each other with a sad smile as they watched Carlos lean on the small table, looking completely disheartened. The day had been so much fun so far, but for Carlos, it just wasn't going to be the same.

When his vision went dark, Carlos smiled a bit.

"James I know it's you…" Yet as he said this he noticed that the hands covering his eyes didn't feel like skin. Instead they felt like a soft plush animal. Carlos smiled, about to thank James for getting him a stuffed animal, yet as he turned he was finally met with what he was searching for all day. There in front of Carlos stood Mickey Mouse. "Mickey!" Carlos yelled happily as he launched himself at the mouse. Mickey hugged back, and pointed to James who stood behind the mouse. Carlos smiled so wide and ran to James hugging him. "Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Hey, I couldn't let you come to Disneyland without seeing your idol Mickey Mouse." James smiled placing a small kiss to the shorter boy's forehead, before letting the boy run back over to Mickey. James could only smile, and assure himself that he was truly the best boyfriend in the world.

**Song above was Mickey Mouse Club March**

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_Hope you enjoyed another installment! It all started with that first song, and then I decided to just continue on from there, make it more than just one lil drabble. So until next time! _


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